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Sex & the (Senior) Citizen Intimacy isn’t just for thirty-something singles in the city – here’s what you need to know reignite the passion at any age! Older people do not enjoy sex. If that sounds shocking to you, that’s good because it is not true. It’s just one of the many myths about sexuality that surround people over 50. The truth is that many seniors can and do enjoy a healthy sex life, though health and emotional impediments often increase as we age. According to a recent study form the AARP, half of Americans over 60 engaged in sexual activity at least once a month, with a substantial number engaging in sexual contact once a week or more. Data from the University of Chicago’s National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP), published in 2007, showed that many men and women remain sexually active – participating in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation – well into their 70s and 80s. The NSHAP survey also found that sexual activity was closely tied to overall health, which was even more important than age. As health declined steadily after the early 70s, so did the prevalence of sexual activity, particularly for women. Among those who remained sexually active, nearly half reported at least one sexual problem, such as lack of desire (43 percent of women), vaginal dryness (39 percent of women) or erectile dysfunction (37 percent of men). “We found that older adults remain interested and engage in sex, yet many experience bothersome sexual problems that can compromise both health and relationships,” says Stacy Tessler Lindau, MD, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology and of medicine-geriatrics at the University of Chicago and lead author of the NSHAP study. According to the National Institute of Aging, sexual problems can be affected by health issues. Arthritis, chronic pain, diabetes, heart disease, incontinence and stroke may affect the enjoyment of sex. Sexual problems may also vary by gender. As a woman ages, her vagina shortens and narrows. The walls become thinner and also a little stiffer. These changes do not mean she can’t enjoy having sex. However, most women will also have less vaginal lubrication. This could affect sexual pleasure, the NIA reports. “The ‘aging’ woman, is a post menopausal woman who has less vaginal moisture, usually needs external lubrication, may have less pleasure from breast and genital touching, and in long term relationships seem to have more capacity to do without sex,” says Dr. Stephen B. Levine, co-director of the Center for Martial and Sexual Health in Beachwood, Ohio, and professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine. As men get older, impotence becomes more common. Impotence is the loss of ability to have and keep an erection for sexual intercourse. According to the NIA, by age 65, about 15 to 25 percent of men have this problem at least one out of every four times they are having sex. This may happen in men with heart disease, high blood pressure or diabetes – either because of the disease or the medicines used to treat it. “The aging man is challenged by the need for greater excitement to maintain his erection,” Levine says. “The biological infrastructure of erections seem to slowly become less efficient after 55. This by no means means that he has erectile dysfunction; it means that he must pay more attention to the conditions under which he has sex to maximize his psychological arousal and insure his emotional safety.” Indeed, emotions play an important part in sexual satisfaction. “You have to keep in mind that sexual relationships are a two person operation,” says Ed Laumann, Ph.D., sociology professor at the University of Chicago, who co-authored the study with Lindau. “In older people, the vast majority are married and have been for a long time. There are a lot of issues to do with loss of interest in each other: they’re tired of the old bastard.” Presently, there is no FDA approved medication to help stimulate sexual arousal for women. And while a billion dollars is spent each year on solutions for erectile dysfunction like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, Laumann says “popping a pill, sort of what happens when you get a viagra-type mentality, doesn’t address the issue of how the man is relating to the woman. The refill percentage for viagra is only 50 percent. Women often aren’t consulted about it, it often hurts them and they may not be satisfied with it. So as a source of pleasure, it’s much less important to them than it is to men.” So what does work? Understanding your partner, maintaining your health, communicating your concerns and helping each other enjoy sex as you both age. Men, for instance, need more tactile arousal as they age, since they are not as easily visually stimulated as they were at a younger age. Foreplay may take longer. Women may be more satisfied in relationships that are more intimate. “I think the best thing you can do in some ways is to engage in physical exercise and address weight problems,” Laumann says. “Many older people stop doing things. They become lazy and that affects their physical abilities.” To ignite their sex life, older adults may just need to open up and talk to each other. “There’s very little input about how people are feeling about these things,” Laumann says. “It’s that type of silence about sexual things and the inability to talk about them that usually results in this kind of gridlock in the partnership so that they cant get to a new place. They may need someone to help talk about it – couple therapy, talking to a sympathetic clergyman. It’s not one solution fits all.” Spicing up the relationship may not hurt, either. Amy Reiley, author of “Fork Me, Spoon Me: The Sensual Cookbook” (Life of Reiley, 2006), says aphrodisiacs like oysters, salmon and even soup can stimulate an otherwise stale relationship. “A lot of seniors have been with their partners for 30 plus years,” Reiley says. “The idea of aphrodisiacs, it can be a little naughty, but it’s playful. It’s not like really dirtying things up, or renting a porno.” She recalls a senior who approached her in Southern California recently about an aphrodisiac recipe she pulled off of her Web site, www.eatsomethingsexy.com. “It was winter and she decided to warm things up by trying the honey carrot soup as a comforting meal and avenue to seduction,” Reiley recalls. “She said it completely did the trick. It was an excellent Sunday evening.” |
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