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Grand Advice

Thinking about meddling in your grandchild’s poor eating habits? Read this before you speak to save face – and maybe a relationship or two!

When she sees her grandson “getting too many snack foods” Gail Frank has to balance her two roles. As a registered dietitian she’s aware that the salty crackers her grandson likes are high in sodium and fat, but as grandma Gigi, she also knows it’s not her place to lecture her son and daughter-in-law.

“I zip up about this,” says Frank, a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.

You may have conflicts similar to Frank’s.

If you’re a grandparent you may be asked to help out with sitting and snacks with the grandkids, or maybe you’re invited for a meal and playtime. And, occasionally you may notice that your grandchild is drinking soda instead of milk or eating sweets just before dinner.

It’s tempting to say something. After all, you want your grandchild to thrive, and if the parents aren’t going to give their child an optimal diet, you want to intervene.

As Frank says, zip up, at least for the time being. You weren’t invited to lecture. In fact your “helpful” suggestions may net a time-out: your own. Instead, your goal should be coming together as a family. If you respect and support your children and grandchildren, and work together as a team, you’re more likely to see well-nourished grandchildren, say health experts.

“The first thing we want to do is have an open relationship with our children and grandchildren,” says Marilyn Wadum, community dietitian, Methodist Health System, Omaha, Neb. “Don’t tell your children what to do [with their young ones] but talk about what to do together.” (See the sidebar on the Penn State program for more suggestions.).

Respect the way your children are feeding the grandchildren, but try to help out as well in an unobtrusive way,” Wadum says.

That means that you should prepare mac and cheese from a box if that’s what mom wants while you’re babysitting on her turf. However, you can also sneak in a side of carrot sticks or frozen vegetables with low-fat ranch dressing for dipping, Wadum says.

You also have more leeway when you have the grandchildren in your home.

“The grandparent is empowered when the grandchildren come to her home. She can say, ‘when you’re at grandma’s house, we do it this way,’ “ Wadum says.

Her own “magic” phrase is “grandma would like you to try one bite.” Frank encourages her grandchildren to better eating habits by through her example. If you want the grandkids to eat vegetables, make sure you’re eating them at the dinner table, says Frank, Ph.D., nutrition professor at California State University, Long Beach.

“It’s easy and you’re not hammering the issue saying ‘this is the way I did it,’” she says.

© CTW Features

How to Give Good Advice

How you offer advice can make all the difference between peace and long-term feuds.

Your suggestions are more likely to be welcomed if you’re part of a family partnership, says Matthew Kaplan, associate professor of Intergenerational Programs and Aging, Pennsylvania State University, University Park.

A Penn State focus group study using teens, parents and sometimes grandparents revealed that people wanted nutrition advice within a family partnership, according to Kaplan.

He and his colleagues promote the FRIDGE program (Food-Related Intergenerational Discussion Group Experiences) to help the three generations talk about food and nutrition and improve family eating habits through teamwork.

“You don’t want the parents and grandparents to be struggling with each other over what to feed the grandchildren,” he says.

In the PSU program the three generations talk about communication, what nutrition means to them and how to eat more healthfully. A nutrition educator encourages the family to talk about how to develop more nutritious menus. Grandchildren are encouraged to help develop grocery lists and grocery shop with their parents.

“The goal isn’t to beat the grandchild into submission but raise an independent child,” Kaplan says.

Tips to Help Raise a Well-nourished Grandchild

• Share Wholesome Recipes

“Though I don’t have that situation [being concerned about how her grandchildren are nourished] I made a booklet of favorite dishes I’ve cooked that the family enjoys,” says Flo Braker, author of “Baking for All Occasions” (Chronicle Books, 2008).

“I made sure that the recipes were fairly simple and don’t take oodles of time or money.

My daughter and daughter-in-law refer to the recipes in the booklet often,” says Braker, Palo Alto, CA.

• Fill the Cupboard Discreetly

If your children run short on basic foods, such as milk or cereal, bring a few groceries on your next visit.

But don’t point out the shortcoming to your children, says Marilyn Wadum.

“Don’t say ‘I noticed you didn’t have any milk so I got milk for the grandchildren.’ Take the diplomatic route.”

• Pay Attention to Mom’s Needs

Maybe mom is exhausted and would prefer that you free her up by washing the clothes or grocery shopping rather than feeding your grandchild, says Gail Frank.

• Create fun new meal rituals for your grandchildren.

When Frank’s toddler grandson first came to visit she didn’t have a high chair.

“So we sat on the floor on towels and had dinner. I think this will be our picnic meal from now on,” she says.

• Keep Up to Date on Nutrition.

What you did as a parent with young children may not be relevant or even safe now. Here are a few web sites with current nutrition information.

The American Dietetic Association offers sound advice on its Web site, www.eatright.org.

You can also find diet and recipe ideas for children and adults on the government web site, www.mypyramid.gov.

[sidebar]

For information on the FRIDGE program at Penn State and other healthful eating resources, visit the Web site: http://intergenerational.cas.psu.edu/FRIDGE.html


Bev Bennett Bev Bennett, a veteran food writer and editor, is the author of "Dinner for Two: A Cookbook for Couples" and "30-Minute Meals for Dummies"

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